First Look: Slow Loop

Manga Adaptation by Connect
Streaming on Funimation

Premise

Two girls go fishing. That’s it. That’s the show.

Aqua’s verdict: Fish ‘n’ Shit

(read in a thick New Jersey accent)

Well shit, you’d better buckle up for this shitload of fuck. An anime about fishin’? Yeaaaaah, that sounds like fun! ‘Cause when I think anime, I think of fishin’, right? Giant robots? Fightin’ demons? No man, here’s a show about sittin’ on your fuckin’ ass all day! Imagine doin’ that for a living!

*takes a swig of Rolling Rock*

I mean, look at this madness. This show looks like it was drawn on the LJN Video Art. Yeah, remember that thing? I sure as fuck do… like how you remember last night’s diarrhea because you feel as if someone just shoved a hundred habaneros up your asshole!

And what the everlovin’ fuck is that soundtrack? Just listen to it. Sounds like a squid shittin’ on a synthesizer. Like someone stuck a recorder in a dolphin’s blowhole. This really is a fuckin’ sewage cocktail of all the simplest shit anime has to offer. Cute girls doin’ cute things, my ass. Start off with the same old fossilized shit we’ve seen a million times, sprinkle on some dung droppings for dumb characters, and to top it all off, a queef of queerbaiting. There you have it. That’s the show.

AAAAAAAAAAASSSSS!

Fuck. I’ve seen funnier oil spills than whatever this show thinks passes as humor. And did they really believe people would care about hearing two toddlers explain what way you have to cast your fuckin’ fishline? I mean, what were they thinkin’?

That’s it, I’ve had it with this shitty fuckin’ anime. Slow Loop? More like Slow POOP! This show is a starfish’s inside-out asshole! This show is diarrhea oozing out of a blobfish’s disemboweled guts! You call this fun? I’d rather eat puked-out pufferfish sashimi prepared by a Parkinson’s patient than watch any more of this show! I’d rather stick a rusty fishhook through my foreskin and throw myself to the sharks! I’d rather go dip my balls in a sea of piss than to have to spend a single second longer with these chum-brained chipmunks! It fuckin’ sucks, it suckin’ fucks, it’s a feast of feces, and… well, it could be worse.

4 thoughts on “First Look: Slow Loop

  1. To add insult to injury, there’s already been an anime about fishing (well, kind of) and it was really really good and got overlooked by most everyone. 😦 I guess time to rewatch Tsuritama!

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