Alternative title(s): Ojou to Banken-kun
Manga Adaptation by Project No.9
Streaming on Crunchyroll

Premise

At 5 years old, Isaku Senagaki became an orphan when her parents died in a car accident. Taken in by her grandfather, a yakuza boss, Isaku has been watched over nearly her entire life by Keiya Utou, the family’s loyal servant and her steadfast guardian. Now a high school student who longs for a normal life, far from the yakuza hijinks of what she’s used to at home, Isaku is ready to finally make some friends and maybe even find love. She’s therefore aghast when, with the permission of her grandfather, the 26-year-old Keiya bribes his way into the school to pose as a student and continue to protect Isaku from any perceived threat.

Artemis’ verdict: NOPE.

Like plenty of other longtime anime fans, I appreciate bold artwork and solid animation, but these elements tend to be far from the be-all and end-all of my enjoyment factor when watching a new series. I’m far more likely to put scrutiny on the story and character development over the production values. However, in the case of A Girl & Her Guard Dog, I have to come right out and say it – this anime is ugly. I realize that beauty is very much in the eye of the beholder, art is subjective, blah blah blah, but this still has to be one of the most unattractive-looking shows I’ve seen in a long time. All the characters other than the main girl are drawn seemingly without pupils, making them dead/possessed, and Isaku herself is illustrated with pretty weird facial proportions, from her oddly-shaped face to her exaggeratedly pouty-style mouth and red cheeks. I suspect the latter is meant to convey a fragile/doll-like innocence, but instead, it just looks like she’s constantly running around with a fever. The thicker character outlines and, in particular, Keiya’s darkened upper lip are equally distracting, and paired with the very limited animation and general lack of movement, nothing whatsoever about this series is appealing to me on a visual level.

If that was A Girl & Her Guard Dog’s greatest sin, I’d be breathing a sigh of relief. Unfortunately, things get even worse story and character-wise. It’s not just the uncomfortable age gap (Isaku is 15 and a first-year high school student, Keiya is a 26-year-old yakuza henchman who bribed his way into the school to pose as a student in the same class). It’s that, frankly, Keiya is a giant creep. I get it, Isaku is the one with the initial crush, at this point it’s all supposed to be one-sided, etc. etc., but we all know where this is going. Even if that wasn’t the case though and Isaku’s love was destined to remain unrequited, Keiya is still setting off all the red flags and then some. He calls all other young men “wolves” who are only capable of “thinking with their other head” and declares himself out to protect Isaku from them – only to later enter her bedroom even though she tells him to leave and lie down with her on the bed, hugging her while she’s hiding under the sheets. This is by far not the only uncomfortable moment to play out in episode 1, but it’s one of the most memorable of them, and it left a pretty sour taste in my mouth. Keep in mind that this is meant to be a romantic comedy. Sorry, but I’m not laughing.

Jel’s verdict: NOPE.

I mentally checked out of this in the first scene when the main girl is still a toddler and the main dude walks in looking like a grown-ass man. The rest of the episode only made it worse. I hate that I have to say this, but it is IMPOSSIBLE to be a dad anime and a romantic comedy at the same time. DO NOT ATTEMPT THIS. If you want a yakuza themed dad anime, try Hinamatsuri, which I will never stop plugging. If you want a yakuza themed romantic comedy, watch… Nisekoi? Actually don’t watch that, although given the choice I’d prefer it over this. And if you just want a Yakuza themed anime, watch Akiba Maid War.