First Look: Uzaki-Chan Wants to Hang Out

Alternative title(s): Uzak-chan wa Asobita!
Manga Adaptation by ENGI
Streaming on Funimation

Premise

Shinichi Sakurai enters college and discovers his high school underclassmen named Uzaki is attending the same school. After stalking observing Sakurai for a full year, Uzaki decides he’s too much of a loner and is determined to pull him out of his shell.

Jel’s verdict: Sorry, I already have plans

Around the middle of the first episode, Uzaki drags Sakurai through an electronics store and they come across a group of massage chairs. The pair sits down to use them, and almost immediately she begins moaning and shaking like she’s having an orgasm. YOU SEE, because of her massive, enormous, comically over-sized breasts that betray her otherwise pre-pubescent body, Uzaki’s back hurts all the time. The relief from the massage chair is too much pleasure to bear. Unable to put up with the second hand embarrassment, Sakurai grabs Uzaki and they move on to the next scene.

I figured describing that scene tells you everything you need to know about Uzaki-chan far better than if I tried to explain it. If you’re still uncertain, ask yourself this: Do you want to watch an acerbic, unlikable loner gets negged by a loud, obnoxious boob monster for 24 minutes? I don’t even think it’s the camera constantly smashing boobs in your face that bothers me the most, it’s the fact that our main duo is so annoying. Any attempt at adding a dose of charm gets steamrolled by the sound of Uzaki’s shrill voice and Sakurai’s complete lack of personality.

This show is exactly what it looks like. The only remaining mystery is how many animators worked unpaid overtime to animate all the bouncing, heaving breast shots. For many pockets of the anime fandom, I’m sure they’ll love this and Uzaki will be the new top waifu for a couple months. For me, and hopefully you dear reader, it’s a hard pass.

Marlin’s verdict: Annoyingly Boring

Not a whole lot to see here folks, just another manic pixie nightmare, this time with boobs straight out of a 1990s OVA and the literal body of a child. At first look I was telling Jel “boy this looks like it’s going to be boring” but he said at least one thing this show does not lack is energy. What I came to find out is that this show is perfectly competent at being way too frantic and astoundingly boring at the same time! We get brought from set-piece to set-piece where the characters do nothing but talk to each other very quickly about completely boring nonsense and engage in literal bullying.

I really don’t get who this is for. In a season with nothing going for it, it can’t even manage to not be the worst romantic comedy, being somehow beat out by Rent-a-Girlfiend like an elephant beating a giraffe at limbo. Uzaki doesn’t even have anything I would call good character design. Beyond the obvious problems, are there really still people out there jonesing for snaggletooth girls and grey hair that makes them look like 80 year old men? It seems clear that we’re supposed to become endeared to Uzaki, but you have to be a pretty big masochist for this one to work out. If that’s your thing, that’s your problem, I’m staying out of it.

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