Random Manga Theatre 33: Miracle Dieter Miyuki

Hit the “Random” button and see what comes up! In this feature, we take a look at whatever manga the Random Number God decides to throw at us and find out if it’s worth your time.

This time: Miracle Dieter Miyuki, by Takaguchi Satosumi

miyuki


This manga is a diet-themed Sailor Moon knockoff. Just throwing that out off the bat. In case you want to leave.

No? Fine.

Yukimi is your average, everyday junior high school student, but she’s also somewhat chubby. She has a few friends, but the alpha bitch (because every school in every piece of media ever seems to need to have one) makes fun of our heroine’s weight regularly. Yukimi’s not too choked up about it, though – she’s a foodie, and treats food with the reverence and respect it deserves. She eats three square meals a day, not wasting food, constantly admonishing her friends to make sure to eat properly as growing young ladies. Not that it usually elicits any more than giggles, considering Yukimi’s… girth.

And that very girth bites back at Yukimi when she is publicly embarrassed in front of her crush at school, causing her to run out into the local park and find a magical buried dumbbell, said to bestow dietary success upon the lucky girl who frees it from its prison. Upon claiming said dumbbell, Yukimi is suddenly ambushed by a mysterious three-star chef (by which I mean he literally has three stars tattooed across his face), who proceeds to magically conjure up delicious food, trying to force Yukimi to literally gorge herself to death. However, our heroine stands by her principles, and refuses to eaton the grounds that… eating snacks will put her over her normal calorie intake! DUN DUN DUNNNNN

Look, there’s no way I could make this shit up if I tried.

calories

Grabbing the dumbbell in desperation, Yukimi transforms into the slim and sexy Sailor Moon Miracle Dieter Miyuki, whose very name strikes fear into the heart of the villainous chef, prompting him to vanish in a whirlwind of candy. That night, she is visited by the “Shape-Up Cat Amino” and the “Calorie-Check Mouse Kuen”, who inform her of the situation: they are aliens from a distant galaxy, and she has been chosen by their prince to gain the powers of the Miracle Dieter! Her mission: chasing down an intergalactic villain whose nefarious plan is to cook delicious, high-calorie food and push dubious diet products, all to make young girls fat.

I swear to God I’m not making this up please don’t fire me.

At any rate, the typical monster-of-the-week stuff proceeds, with the evil Chef Fiatee showing up with his… evil… duck… thing, and cooking up some scheme to make the young ladies of Japan into gluttonous, unhealthy whales. But wait! Yukimi cannot transform into Miyuki without burning some calories off via physical exercise. Things get even more complicated when a ruthless rival who also possesses the powers of the Miracle Dieter appears, as well as the mysterious Tuxedo Mask Fitness Warrior Aerobic Mask. Will they all be able to work together defeat the evil behind Chief Fiatee????

miracledieter

Verdict: …………………………..
I know this is a deliberate parody (it was originally a throwaway joke in a 1996 Boy’s Love manga, apparently), but it just plays everything so ridiculously straight-faced that it loops between horrifying and hilarious at rapid speed. The premise is so amazingly absurd that you can’t help but laugh, but at the same time the moronic jokes make you want to just close the tab and never look back. At the very least, I recommend checking it out just so you can stare slack-jawed at the monitor with the realization that this is actually a manga that exists.

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