Tiny skirts and bouncing chesticles? No thanks – not with these magnificent specimens of manhood on display. Gleaming washboard abs, perfectly toned quads, bulging biceps glistening with man-dew… it’s practically a smorgasbord of hawt male bodies, all lined up and ready to be objectified in this very special bonus edition of All Your Monies!
Tachibana Makoto (Free!)
ALTAiR, October 2014, ¥7800
Makoto’s figure is the most covered-up of the three and so it obviously gets put straight at the bottom of the list. I mean, the jacket has some nice billowing action that allows for the lower abs to be displayed quite well, and I can’t fault the choice of swimwear – sure, it hides the entire lower body, but that wavy green stripe accentuates the quads and calves beautifully. However, I cannot for the life of me think of a good reason for why the arms should be folded like that. Hiding the man’s back and shoulders is crime enough since they’re Makoto’s main charm points, but we don’t even get a glimpse of the upper abs or chest this way either. Just how’s a girl expected to get her perv on with so little skin to salivate over?
Nanase Haruka (Free!)
ALTAiR, October 2014, ¥7800
Okay, this is more like it. Haru isn’t quite as tall or as bulky as Makoto, but I could gaze into those dreamy, fathomless ocean-blue eyes for hours. They contrast with his flawlessly creamy skin-tones too, which are well represented here. I’m also happy to note that the creators at least put some thought into the position of the team jacket this time around – it’s like he’s thinking of stripping just for me. Oh Haru, you’re such a tease! We get a much better view of the abs here too, thankfully both upper and lower, and as to be expected, they’re perfectly sculpted without overwhelming Haru’s comparatively slender build. Rounding things off, the shorter swimsuit nicely emphasises the quads but doesn’t make him appear overly lanky as a full-leg version of the swimsuit might. Be still, my beating heart!
Matsuoka Rin (Free!)
ALTAiR, August 2015, ¥8800
Screw my power bill, this is clearly where the rest of my month’s paycheck is going. Those exquisitely sculpted abs! Those long, luscious legs! That mischievous, come-hither smirk! I don’t even care that Rin’s pose indicates a severe spinal problem, because it shows off the figure’s best aspect to perfection, and the wind is lifting that jacket up just so for the big reveal. Haru’s abs are delectable and all, but Rin’s gorgeously pert bottom alone is enough to fill my every fantasy for days – hell, maybe even weeks. Seriously, you could bounce a penny off of those perky buns. Topping it all off is that naughty facial expression which is clearly saying that all that manly goodness is for me and me alone. Unf. MY BODY IS READY.