Stash away those pricey idol statues and your thirty amiibos, because we’re about to get cheap and nasty. Gacha! is your fortnightly (or thereabouts) look at the weird world of Japanese capsule toys. This week, to celebrate the Japan trip we’re currently on, we picked some absolute garbage. Please enjoy.
If you insist on enjoying flashy and expensive figures, you should check out All Your Monies.
Bottle Producer [sic]
Beam, 6 to collect, ¥300
colons: There’s nothing more humiliating for a bottle than being out on the town in nothing but pants, and you want to prevent this happening to any bottle of yours. Although, to be quite honest, this is… not a look I feel does these bottles any favours; perhaps some more practical clothing is needed.
Euri: The golf course douchebag look is a very specific one, and this collection brings us just a little closer to emulating it on our drink bottles. I guess this is something we need?
Ocarina of Slime
Squenix, 10 (5✕2) to collect, ¥300
colons: Euri needs more slimes, so it is good that these exist.
Euri: We’ve been in Japan for less than a week and I can already think of three things that I’ve bought that have a slime on it. That said, I find myself often passing up keychains and phone charms because I don’t use them, so I’m not sure that these are going to end up adding to that number. That ocarina is really good, though.
A memorial to the great figma war of 1970
Kitan Club, 6 to collect, ¥300
colons: Maybe my imagination is just failing me right now, but I can’t think of any particularly funny use for these in a diorama, and I’m pretty sure these would not be appreciated at even a vaguely formal ceremony. I’m sure someone could come up with something, though. Perhaps this would be a good gift as a kind of figure posing improv challenge?
Euri: I want to say these have something to do with Japanese lotteries and such, but my half-arsed googling isn’t bringing up any results. That in mind, I’m just going to assume that they are just really colourful military medals because I find that pretty amusing.
Fake Plastic Leaves
System Service, 5 to collect, ¥200
colons: It saddens me to note that these are actually pretty appealing to me. I’m bad at keeping things alive, even cactuses, but I like the implication of greenery in an indoor space. The problem here is that you’d have to spend a lot to get enough of these to really have a significant effect, so these aren’t so much directly appealing as they are making me want to buy some equivalent in bulk.
Euri: I would like to see a mushroom or mould version of these, as I feel these will be more interesting when used as part of an elaborate. expensive prank. Ah whatever, just buy a couple hundred of these ones and turns your parents’ living room into a forest.
The Classical TOYS in the world
System Service, 6 to collect, ¥200
colons: They’re trying to pass off these as having come from somewhere legitimate, but their lack of conviction (‘India??’) belies where they really came from: this is the result of a heist on Santa’s workshop, and you’re complicit in the ruining of Christmas for children the world over if you buy any of these.
Euri: Most of this is trash, but I appreciate the inclusion of quoits because it’s a funny word. Quoits.