Happy Halloween!

Saber doesn't have time for this shit

Salutations, spookies! The season has come to honour all things creepy, disgusting and unsettling! How will you will spend the favourite evening of grade schoolers, douche bags and obese people in the eeriest way possible like the capitalist scum that you are? Will you go out explaining to your elderly neighbour that you are totally dressed up as a badass swordsman from a Japanese cartoon before you get your candy? Will you go out partying and throw toilet paper on people’s houses because you are drunk out of your mind? Of course not, otherwise you would not be reading this. Have no fear, though, for we here at the Glorio Blog have been conducting extensive research in order to collect for you the creepiest, most disturbing and most repugnant anime of the bunch! Hold on tight, because this stuff is not for the faint of heart!

Do you like massacres? Our first recommendation is one that makes the Texas chainsaw variety look like a wedding service. Starring some of the most violent character murders in recent history, it nevertheless remembers the cardinal rule of creepiness… Nothing is scarier than that which you cannot see! Indeed, my friends, Oreimo features little to no on-screen nasties, but that makes the underlying sense of disturbance that much creepier! As the viewer delves deeper into the nightmarish, twisted psyche of its criminally insane main characters, prepare to be faced with terrors so unspeakable you’d rather die than keep watching! Be warned, spookies, because as you know, gaze into the hollow void of nihilism that this anime embraces, and the void will gaze into you!

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Artwork by Kanna Kanaki [Pixiv ID #459051]

Still haven’t found what you’re looking for? Maybe you’re looking for something a bit more intellectual a gentlemanly nerd such as yourself can appreciate? What about the clever meta dialogue of the Monogatari series? I don’t even know what “meta” means, but it sounds intellectual, so it has to be good, right? Like the Funny Games of creepy anime, watch the creepiness unfold on the screen as you wonder who is the real creeper here. Is it Arararagi, the psychopathic vampire who stalks promiscuous teenage girls — and of course, the innocent, virginal “Final Girl” (or as the show calls her,”Final Boss”) — to punish them for their immoral lifestyle, or is it you, the viewer who witnesses his atrocious acts with a dumb smile on your face? Yes, that’s you! How thought-provoking! Without a doubt, the Monogatari series is the smartest, most meta creepy and repugnant… thing since Wes Craven’s Scream!

Is all this visceral, post-Evangelion nonsense a bit too much for you? Don’t worry, spookies, there is no shame in just wanting to see some body parts flying all over the place! Shows like OniiAi, High School DxD and To Love-Ru Darkness go out of their way to show you the human body in positions and angles you never even thought possible, allowing you to feast your wicked eyes on all the filthiest, most gruesome hidden corners of the human form. David Cronenberg would be proud! Are you watching with kids? Don’t worry! KissxSis is pretty much the same, only it features little to no actual blood (relations), so it’s… errm, fun for the entire family!

Of course, you can’t have creepiness without some zombies! Trust me, spookies, just like A Nightmare on Elm Street is much more than just that scene where Johnny Depp gets sucked into his bed, High School of the Dead is also much more than that one scene where that one girl’s boobs jiggle out of the way of an incoming bullet, The Matrix-style. Hay-la-ri-ous! Of course, there are lots of zombies, but as George Romero’s classic Dawn of the Dead has taught us, no zombie movie is complete without some extremely subtle social commentary and visual imagery! Can normal teenagers still live a life of casually groping each other in the bathtub or cooking dinner wearing nothing but an apron while the world outside is swarming with zombies? Who says creepy anime are only for sick nerds, huh?

There you go, spookies, the official Glorio recommendations for the creepiest and most disgusting anime for you and your sicko friends to enjoy tonight. Sure, you could watch Higurashi No Naku Koro Ni or Elfen Lied or some pussy anime like that, but where is the fun in that? For the true Halloween experience, you need to travel to the creepiest and most disgusting depths of the anime realm.

Wait, what do you mean, Halloween is not about that kind of “creepy” and “disgusting”?

How the hell am I supposed to know? I’m European!

Header art by ume [Pixiv ID #920217]

2 thoughts on “Happy Halloween!

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